a little scare

This past weekend did not turn out to be what we'd planned.  The first weekend with not commitments or work events in a very long time!  And the snowstorm dashed our dreams of an outdoor walk.  Yes, I've been dreaming of one of those!

Friday night Grayson woke up screaming and hot in the middle of the night.  When I picked him up he basically fell asleep in my arms so I rocked him a little and laid him back down.  When I got back in bed my groggy mind finally had the thought maybe he was too warm and I should take off his sleepsack.  Thankfully he did wake again before long and we stripped his fleece pjs and sleepsack off, put some cool towels on his sweet little head and gave some tylenol after realizing he had a 99.7 degree temp.  But he went back to sleep and it was no big.

All day Saturday he was hot! He threw up after breakfast and was sleeping extra long naps.  As his temp kept rising we called our pediatrician who obviously wasn't in on a Saturday. Around 2, he had a 102 temp and I took him to urgent care.  The doctor immediately said ear infection.  Yep, double.  Awesome.  I got the prescription and didn't ask many questions with the non-stop screaming from Gray.  We tried to give some more Tylenol but the poor little guy again threw up everywhere.  So we wiped it all up quick, took off his shirt and I bolted to the car.

I dropped him off at home while I went to get the meds (Meaning, Andrew was watching Jackson and then we added a screaming double-ear-infected-kid too= superdad). Grayson took his bottle then was so sleepy to Andrew put him down in his crib.  I got home and not long after starting to feed Jackson dinner, Gray screamed and then we heard this weird cry.  Almost like a hiccup cry.  Andrew already ran in there and grabbed little Grayson.  He was convulsing and totally glazed over.  Holy crap.  What is going on? Do we call 911?  Andrew ran down to our car to go to the hospital and about to leave me behind trying to get Jackson, food, bottles, and all the other things needed during "crazy time"(aka dinner time) at our house.  Made it to the car.  Jackson's strapped in.  Andrew hands me Grayson and tells me to get in the car holding him.  His sweet face and body is pulsing about every second.  His little eyebrows moving up and down, his arms clenching in and his legs twitching all in unison.  Was he breathing? Andrew was on the phone with the 911 lady and I had to feel Grayson's breath to tell.  Thankfully he was.

And I just couldn't stop crying.  So confused and scared.  Grayson was still so hot.  His eyes were glossy and he was totally out of it.  After about 5 minutes he slowed down pulsating and eventually began to whimper and then cry.  It was over.  The paramedics, sheriff, etc got there and I couldn't even talk I was so weepy.  Andrew let them take a look at Grayson and told them what they needed while I grabbed Jackson.

Andrew and Gray were sent to the hospital in an ambulance.  It was a febrile seizure.  Apparently totally harmless and no big deal.  Um, excuse me I seriously thought my first baby boy was dying in my arms and I had crazy thoughts I hadn't thought before.  But thankfully he is ok.  At the ER they gave him more Tylenol and monitored him for another few hours and then said we were good to go.  He had a sharp spike in temperature and that caused his body to have a seizure.  IT was caused only by the fever and we don't have to worry about long-term effects.  Good news.  But were were emotionally drained, scared, exhausted and needing to recover.  Our good friends Paul and Samm came to the hospital and family and friends reassured us with their prayers and calls and texts and emails.

As we literally laid on the couch after we got the home and the meds given and boys in bed, we cried and processed and thanked the Lord for our boys like never before.  And we thought, this was so hard for us, but what about God, who put His Son on the cross for us.  Watched him suffer far more than a scary, but harmless seizure.  Gosh, we felt so comforted that our God knew our feelings and was willing to go through far more for us.

ONE YEAR!

We made it. Survived.  Whew!

Here's an update of what the little guys love and hate at 12 months!

• teething again, getting their 7th tooth in soonish
• love finger foods:: Jackson usually refuses all purees, Grayson eats both
• foods they love:: cheese, grapes, blackberries, oranges, applesauce
• foods they hate:: not big fans of cake or icing!, 
• toys: balls, musical bongos, activity garden
• pulling up on everything:: now they also reach down with one arm, grab balls, and bring toys up where they're standing
• cruising around
• standing on own occasionally
• throwing balls and kind of playing catch with them
• mimicking:: sticking out tongues (thanks mom!), and especially with what we say. Jackson says "e, e" after we make monkey sounds "e, e, ooh, ooh"
• understand what we say
• standing and reaching 
• they love our fireplace and for some reason licking the bricks.  weird.  but they are all about textures lately!
• favorite activities: playing with toys, chasing balls, standing, walking holding mom and dads hands, anything that plays music or lights us, especially ones you can pull up on
• discipline: for standing in the bathtub, touch trashcans, rolling over during diaper changes, 
• drink whole milk! Praise the Lord we don't have to buy 1+ cases of formula a week anymore! 
• skinny and tall:: less than 1% weight, G is in 20th% for height and J 33rd% for height.  We've got some lean boys!
• clothes:: wearing 12m, and some 9m clothes still, moved to size 3 shoes
• seriously hate their cars seats:: and we're finally switching seats since it's getting warmer out
• 2 naps a day
• sleep 11 hours at night
• Grayson::  lately been more aggressive and crawling on or biting Jackson or my shoulder, call him "snaggletooth"sometimes because his upper teeth in from left to right and so the left side is longer than the right:), independent, will push balls all over the house with or without Jackson, pickier with finger foods, loves grabbing hair
• Jackson:: clingy, pickier eater with purees, still smiles or laughs at hearing laughter, smiles a lot, also cries easily, steals toys from brother

God's perspective through parenting

Since becoming pregnant, I've had new perspective on lots of things.  And though growing a big belly, birthing kids, and then taking care of newborns and now near-toddlers has often been difficult, God has shown me many sweet things.  Aside for being more grateful for my husband, family and friends than ever, the Lord has put personal experience behind Biblical principles and convictions.  He's helped me to (in human ways) understand Him more:

• Sacrificing my body: while pregnant and sacrificing a figure, fitting into cute non-elastic banded clothes, eating whatever I wanted, only being able to sleep on my side, etc., I gave up some of my body to make room for two little ones. Then they were born, and my body wasn't the same! Let's just say I've lost some elasticity.  Anyway, again different figure and nursing to literally offer my body to my babies constantly came.  All these things really pale in comparison to Jesus and His ultimate sacrificing His body for me.  Not just stretch marks, discomfort, and feeling big, but beaten, scarred, tortured and murdered for me.  
• Not knowing what is best: When G and J refuse to eat or used to fight sleep I had tiny glimpses of what God must feel like with me. Demanding things in my heart, but Him having the whole perspective and knowing that it may not be good for me.  Then as the boys would flail, scream, arch their backs, I would be sad and frustrated thinking, "You need sleep! Trust me, you will feel much better and enjoy everything more with a nap!" And I'd imagine the Lord saying the same things to me when I'd act like that, at least in my heart, when I didn't get what I'd prayed for.  I understand more now that I don't know what I need or what is best.  God though, is for me and trustworthy.  Let me just let go and give up quicker. 
• Discipline: I hate disciplining Jackson and Grayson.  Duh, who enjoys it?  I hate making them cry and I hate their quivery lip when they look up at me.  I do not want to have to discipline them.  But sometimes, like me, they just don't get it.  Grayson yesterday touched the trashcan (this is our major thing right now!) and I warned him, like I do every morning.  He did it again.  I had to discipline him.  Then with crying, he reached for it again! I disciplined him again.  He reached again with harder cry.  Ugh!  I was so frustrated that he was forcing me to continue discipline. I didn't want to! And, not I get a little more what it means that God disciplines those whom He loves.  And that He doesn't enjoy disciplining me.  I'm just like little Grayson though, a rebel.
• Delight: Sometimes before I go to bed I scroll through the ridiculous amount of pictures of the boys on my phone.  I can't get enough of them.  I watch videos. Often Andrew goes in their rooms to "check on" them now that they're older and reports the cute ways they've fallen asleep.  There were times we'd concede to let the other rock one back to sleep, just because we missed them over dinner.  When they play and laugh with each other I smile and feel so happy- I just enjoy watching them from the kitchen.  Or picking them up and throwing them in the air exposing their 6-tooth-grins.  I see a little more how God delights in me and His children.  It makes me want to adore God in the same way.  To not get enough of Jesus, to look at the cross continually and be thankful before going to bed because I haven't thought about it over dinner.  

a lot to celebrate

We've been celebrating a lot over here! Our sweet boys will be one year old tomorrow! We survived taking care of twin babies for a year! …and we've been married for four years, tomorrow!

We just got back from Georgia to visit family and celebrate even more…the boys' first birthday party, Easter…and my 10 year high school reunion- less exciting for sure and hardly worth celebrating at all! But none the less Christ's death and His rising which makes my life possible, my precious boys and marriage are all gifts I've been thinking about and anticipating.

Mom hosted an awesome birthday party for the boys and most of our family came in town for it. Such a sweet blessing!

Eating cake!

the boys with Grandma and Papa Knight

and with Gram and Grandpa Link

Daddy holding Grayson on the boat

Jackson and me relaxing

Mom and Jackson tickling Grandpa 

Though traveling was a beast at times (mainly because we realized we left our stroller at home when we got to the airport!!) it was so worth it to be with family all weekend.  We loved all the celebrating and the 70 degree weather didn't hurt either!